he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
