sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
