I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
