I accidentally burped into my bong.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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