Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
