Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
