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Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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