guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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