Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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