This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize