you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
