I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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