He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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