fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
