Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize