he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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