Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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