Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
