I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
