K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
