I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
