What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize