i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
