I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
