I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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