I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
