I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
