You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize