Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
