since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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