I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
