I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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