She is in my trunk
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize