You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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