i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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