Nicole vs. Life
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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