I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
