Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
