He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
