My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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