We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
