I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
