It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Enjoy the penises
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
