I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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