the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
