I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize