great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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