I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
