areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
worst night to have a conscience
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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