I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wish you could order shots online.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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