I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize