if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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