I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
