his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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