oh god the rape fog is back!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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