Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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