he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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