Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
