I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
