Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
