How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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