bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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