Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
