You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
