If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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