well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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