Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
