OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
don't judge my taste in strippers
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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