Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize