he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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