He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
