we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
