i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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