Where is the hickey?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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