You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
