you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
